Jared - Gerry Dee, Teaching: It's Harder Than It Looks

Gerry Dee (born Gerald Donoghue) writes a guide for beginning teachers that is obviously intended to make the audience laugh hysterically while still maintaining some basic level of instruction and guidance. Aimed to be as entertaining and it is educational (perhaps even more so), Dee outlines the aspects of school not typically taught in teacher education programs such as meeting parents, teaching sex education, dress codes, cheating and interacting with other staff members. It is not hard to see why this book has become a hit with both those involved in the educational field and those far removed from it. One thing that every individual in recent Canadian history has in common is some sort of high school experience, Gerry Dee uses a base of his own stories (with the appropriate amount of truth-bending I’m sure) to weave a tale of awkwardness, incompetence and amusement typical of a novice teacher’s beginning career.  The book separates itself from other, more traditional, teacher’s guide due to the frankness in which Dee speaks of his experience combined with his sarcastic, narcissistic responses make for a very truthful, personal account of one teacher’s jaded high school experience.

Mr. D’s Advice:

Where to begin? As I read the book, when I wasn’t laughing uncontrollably, I highlighted quotes that were typically short anecdotes displaying his views, thoughts and advice on teaching that I felt could be somehow relatable to my own career (or were just plain hilarious). I’ll share a couple of these and they should give a pretty clear idea on the progression of the book.

“Teachers who tried to teach me during class time: boring. The ones who made me laugh and taught me about life: inspirational. That’s how I wanted to teach.”

“When it came to teaching the curriculum, I would simply lie.”

“What teachers don’t learn in teachers’ college, what they never tell you about, is how to manage kids – how to deal with discipline problems and what to do when, for instance, you are spit at, sworn at, kicked, mocked, have a ball thrown at you, have the middle finger waved under your nose, have a fight between two students break out in class, have a kid who pees his pants when he’s stressed and another who vomits during exams…just to name a few scenarios. You think these are uncommon occurrences? Lucky you: you’re not a teacher.”

“If you want to learn how to discipline students don’t go to teachers’ college. Go to prison.”

“Smart kids are not fun to teach. Smart kids are a complete pain.”

“I would choose only those questions because those were the ones I could answer myself. If the answer was too difficult or buried somewhere in the reading, screw it. I wouldn’t assign it for homework.”

“If you don’t know how to spell a word, don’t. Whatever you do, don’t write it on the board. Because you know some kid in class is going to get too much enjoyment from your mistake. Instead, call up a smart kid to the board to spell it for you. Then get another smart kid to confirm if the first kid got it right. Be sure to tell everyone this is called ‘self-directed learning.’”

“Do not lose your students’ exams. It tends to upset them. But whatever you do, don’t lose the exams of the smart kids. They will trail you for the rest of your life if you can’t produce that paper. You’ve been warned.”

“But what many non-phys. ed. teachers forget is that [phys. ed teachers have to coach – everything.”

“A note on your teaching legacy: try to be remembered for the good job you did as a teacher and not the accidents you caused in the classroom.”

“Everything I taught about sex was an elaborate attempt for me not to lie directly.”

“Mr. D’s parent tip: do not expect your child’s teacher to be a superhero. Keep your expectations low and you might even be pleasantly surprised.”

“If the classroom is the teacher’s territory, the hallways of a school belong to the students. The hallways are the jungle.”

“Ask a teacher if he or she has a favourite student, and that teacher will say, ‘I like all my students the same.’ Kids, that’s a lie. Teachers pick favourites, and our favourites get preferential treatment. Think about that the next time you’re about to beg for an extension or an assignment.”

“When having lunch with teachers at a restaurant, get separate cheques or go through the bill with the cheap teachers and tell them how much they owe.”

“One day when no other teachers were around, I went up to Laura in the staff room and said, ‘And now, I’d like all you men to put your hands together and welcome to the stage: Laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa!’ She got offended. Very offended. But I’m sorry, she really did dress like a stripper.”

“The kids are what make the job great, and the kids are what make the job terrible. Some teachers go beyond the call of duty, and some teachers should be as far away from teaching as possible.”

“I learned that a ‘thank-you’ from a student at some in a day or year makes it all worthwhile and tells you that you do serve a purpose.”

“To all those teachers out there who coach, direct plays, or organize music trips, book clubs or anything on your time, I thank you. You are the teachers who make a difference and the ones the kids will remember.”

Hopefully the above quotes give you a brief idea of what is in store for you if you ever decide to read this book without giving away too much. I’ve deliberately tried to leave out the funniest aspects of the book, hopefully I’ve accomplished that.

If you were one of those “smart kids” who like to organize the desks in your classroom in neat little rows, could never imagine being hungover while teaching, goes to school half an hour before school starts and leaves immediately at the 3:30 bell, feel that the primary benefit to education is to teach kids the proper uses of a semi-colon and when to use the quadratic formula, then most likely this is not the book for you. You probably won’t understand the jokes anyways. But if you are someone who doesn’t mind pushing the boundaries a bit (a lot), genuinely wish to invest in the future of the next generation by impacting students on a personal level, than this is a great read. You will unquestionably have to put the book down at several points to regain your breath, you will certainly shake your head at many chapters not believing any teacher could possibly be that incompetent, but you will also learn that what you do for a career truly makes a difference in the lives of our youth. Dee’s title, Teaching: It’s Harder Than It Looks, although suitable, could have been more fittingly changed to: Teaching: You Get What You Put In.